


En Tu Memoria

by Sumi



Series: Rin Shepard [4]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Family Feels, Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-02 18:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19447414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumi/pseuds/Sumi
Summary: Before the Reapers and Saren, Shepard had a life. This story showcases that life she had on Mindoir just until everything went to utter shit.





	En Tu Memoria

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my entry for the 2019 reversed big bang! I claimed a lovely moodboard created by Maxrev.
> 
> Link to the original art and master art post can be found [here](https://maxrev.tumblr.com/post/186050019175/this-is-my-contribution-for-the-art-side-of-the)
> 
> Warning, this story hasn't been heavily beta'd but my hopes is to beta it soon!

She loved to swing, but no matter how hard she pumped her little legs, it was no use. The sky remained out of reach. Enlisting the aid of her parents to push her helped, but not nearly enough. It remained forever out of Rin's reach.

Rin was no quitter. She'd spend hours during the summer swinging back and forth on the homemade swing in front of their house, determined to touch the sky

"Rin you have to come on inside now!" Her mother would shout right after the sunset. "It's getting late and I don't want you out after dark."

It was a ridiculous rule, but being only four meant Rin didn't have much autonomy. They lived on a quiet, peaceful with a large majority of farmers. She scampered inside a minute later. A pout was forming on her lips, but her mother wasn't having any of it.

Sunhee Shepard was a very loving, yet firm parent to her only daughter. She sometimes played the stereotypical 'bad cop' to her husband Alejo Shepard's 'good cop', but they would occasionally switch it up if need be. It all depended on the situation. There was little Rin could get away with. Lucky for them, she was a good child with a mild temperament.

"Hyorin when you get older, you can stay out later," Sunhee said firmly.

The use of Rin's full name got her attention. Her parents rarely used it and when they did, Rin knew they meant serious business. Paying attention was of utmost importance. Otherwise, she might lose some privileges for a day.

Sunhee knelt down before Rin and gently lifted her chin. "Understand?"

She puffed her cheeks out in annoyance. "Yes."

It was said reluctantly, but Rin's mother had gotten her point across much to Rin's dismay. She'd have an easier time getting angry if the woman made less sense.

For a good portion of Rin's early years, she was an only child. She was alerted of a possible sibling around the age of three, going on four, but didn't quite understand what her parents were trying to tell her. Rin noted Sunhee's stomach started to get suspiciously large. In Rin's mind, however, she thought it might be a serious symptom of a stomach ache or eating something bad. Like food poisoning.

Rin kept asking her father what was wrong. He would only smile and say her mother was fine. She wanted to argue that he was a liar because her mother looked different.

"Why is mom so big?" Rin asked when her father was putting her to bed one night.

He laughed. "Because you’re going to be a big sister."

She blinked, staring blankly at his face. "Ew "

The response made Alejo burst out laughing, which only confused Rin even further. She went to sleep, not understanding what was going on, but accepting her dad's answer.

After they brought a baby home one afternoon, Rin understood what they had been trying to tell her. She had a baby brother who did look adorable, but cried too much for Rin's liking. He never seemed to do much else in those early months. Just cry and poop. Then rinse and repeat. She held him once, but his wailing became too much and she whined for Sunhee to take him back.

Jae Shepard was the name they gave him in the end. Rarely anyone got the spelling right. He'd spend a majority of his years correcting those who insisted it was spelled with a Y. Even Rin would jump in to correct those who tended to misspell her brothers name.

When Jae was old enough to sit on the swing, Rin would happily push him back and forth for hours. He seemed to get much as joy as she did. Yet like Rin, no matter how hard he swung back and forth, it was no use. The sky remained just out of reach for both of the Shepard children.

Rin's parents hadn't been born on Mindoir. They were both born in Earth. Sunhee in the United States and Alejo in Mexico. According to the lore, the two had met at university in the US and been separable ever since. Being that Rin was still a child, she cared little for her parents love story or how they ended up living on a farming colony of all places. What it signified for Rin was that reaching the sky was technically possible. If Rin couldn't achieve it by swinging, then she'd simply have to grow up to become a pilot.

It was an admirable dream. Jae latched onto it and loudly proclaimed that he wanted to be a pilot as well. No one bothered to question why Jae wanted to suddenly be a pilot. He wanted to follow in the steps of his big sister Rin-- to the surprise of no one. Since he had been born, he'd always tried his hardest to keep up with her. Little did he know, Rin would always slow down so he could catch up.

Rin didn't mind if Jae wanted to follow her up to the sky. The Milky Way was a big enough Galaxy for the two of them to both work as pilots. For the time being she could do little but dream and continue to swing away on her little swing in front of the house. She was too young to do anything else.

When Rin became old enough, she was able to help with the chores in the house and farm. Sunhee and Alejo didn't ask Rin so much as Rin insisted on helping them. She wasn't able to do much at first given her lack of height, but it didn't stop her from trying. Whether Rin was actually helping or not didn't matter to the Shepard's. It was just sweet Rin wanted to help out as much as she did.

During the week it was school followed by homework and chores. Rin did fine in school. She did the work, always managing to pass her classes with a decent average. No one could ask for any more. There were a few instances of Rin getting into a couple fights during her school days. This mostly had to do with Rin protecting her little brother who was the target of bullies-- at least until Rin got involved. Once they experienced her mean right hook, they left Jae alone for good.

Rin loved her little brother. She'd protect him to the end of the galaxy. Sometimes, Jae would lash out at Rin just because her overprotectiveness could go overboard. In the end, the two Shepard siblings were able to work things out and remained stronger than ever. 

"Rin, did you hear the Alliance ships flying over us this morning?" eight year old Jae asked Rin excitedly one morning while they were outside on the porch with their breakfast.

Rin paused in mid-bite, seeming to mull over Jae's words very carefully. "Yeah, I heard them. They woke me up to early.” she muttered, the annoyance clear in her tone.

They woke her up at six when she usually slept until seven. It wasn’t like Rin wasn’t a morning person. The moment she woke up in the morning, Rin was able to shake the sleep from her mind. She did what she had to do and moved on with her day. However, it didn’t mean she liked waking up an extra hour earlier. It deviated from Rin’s usual schedule meaning she would be thrown off course for the first few tasks of the day.

Jae frowned. “But they’re cool! Don’t you wanna be an Alliance pilot one day?”

“I wanna be a pilot, but I don’t know if flying Alliance planes is what I want to do…” Rin admitted.

“Well I do!” he argued back. "It'd be the best job ever in the history of jobs!"

Rin shrugged, letting her brother have his dream of flying Alliance planes. She still had a goal of wanting to ‘touch the sky’. It was the one silly childhood dream Rin refused to ever part with.

A silence lapsed between them. The only sound was the noise from the chewing of their food. After a few minutes, Jae squirmed beside her, looking like he wanted to ask something. “Hey Rin… do you have to be really good in math to be a pilot?”

She grinned, struggling to swallow the laugh that wanted to escape and not choke on her food. “Don’t worry, Jae you have plenty of time to get your grades up in time to go to pilot school.”

“I hope so,” he muttered, a pout forming on his lips. “I hate math, but wanna be a pilot so bad.”

The kid was eight, but he already had a big dream. Rin supposed the same could be said for her. She was only twelve, but always had dreams of touching the sky in some way or another. Since she was older, Rin had just a few more years until she could achieve that dream. Her brother would be impatiently waiting to join her and she looked forward to the time when they could fly side by side.

Rin ruffled his hair. “You can always ask me for help you know. I am pretty good with math.”

“You will?” Jae asked excitedly, practically bouncing up and down in his seat.

“Duh, Jae. You are my little brother. It’s my obligation and privilege to help you kiddo.”

He shot her a grin almost big enough to rival the one she’d just given him. “Thanks a lot, Rin!”

The hug came out of nowhere. Rin blinked, nearly dropping her breakfast in the process. She sighed and just returned the hug without any complaint. He had a bad habit of giving the entire family surprise hugs. Sometimes at the worst moments-- like when one of them was trying to eat their breakfast.

By the late morning, Rin had gotten over being woken up an hour earlier. She gathered all her things and prepared to walk the short walk to school. Mindoir was a small colony where everyone knew everyone. A person couldn't sneeze without another resident finding out about it later that day.

In school, Rin preferred to keep to herself. She associated with one or two people in her grade, but most of it was in school. Rin wasn't the friendliest individual out there. The older she became, the more gruff Rin's demeanor became. All except to her brother Jae and their parents.

After school, Rin was greeted by her father Alejo sitting out on the porch, drinking a cup of what she assumed to be coffee. She ran ahead of Jae and up the steps. The moment Alejo saw Rin, he laughed and lowered the cup so she could take a sip. Rin had been taking sips of his coffee since she was ten years old-- much to her mother’s dismay.

"Rin, you're the only kid I know that doesn't mind drinking coffee," Alejo commented as Rin gleefully took the cup from his hands. "Hey now, leave something for your dad. He's been up all morning running around the farm and needs his third cup of coffee. What am I supposed to do if you drink it all on me? Your mother will have my head if I make a forth pot."

A mischievous gleam appeared in Rin's eye. "Dad, it's your own fault. You put in all that vanilla flavoring. It makes it not even taste like coffee! Tastes more like ice cream or some other kind of sweet"

"You are right, my dear daughter. It's completely my fault."

After getting her fill, Rin handed the cup back over to her father. "Thanks dad."

He laughed, a frown appearing on his face when he noticed just how much Rin had drank in the first place. "I’d say you are welcome Rin, but you practically drank all of it on me."

From behind Rin stood Jae whose nose was wrinkled in disgust. The time he wanted to copy her and also try coffee was the last time he ever did it. Jae practically spit it out, letting out a cry of disgust. He really hammed the disgusted reaction up. Rin couldn't help but break out into a fit of laughter and continued to tease him about it to this day.

Inside was Sunhee, typing away at her data pad. Rin bid her a quiet hello before going straight to her room. She wanted to finish all of her homework. Then Rin could keep her promise to Jae and help him with his homework. Jae was pretty adamant about becoming an Alliance pilot. He was going to need a lot of help given the current state of his math scores. English and writing were a breeze for him, but science and math seemed to be the kid’s weak points.

Rin found Jae in the kitchen later that evening. They sat down together and worked until dinner. It was only then did they stop. Mostly it was because their mother Sunhee insisted they put the books away and head into the den to eat dinner. Reluctantly, Rin put the books away. Jae seemed more disappointed than Rin did. Kid may suck at math, but at least he was a hard worker. This would help him if he still insisted on becoming a pilot say in a decade or so.

"How was school?" Alejo asked. 

He directed the question towards both of them, but Jae beat Rin to the punch. The kid started babbling on about his day, causing Rin to roll her eyes slightly. It was only seen by Sunhee who gave her a look. Their mother's nonverbal warnings could get the point across almost as much as her verbal ones.

After Jae was done, Alejo turned to Rin with a knowing smile and gave her a nod. "How was your day at school, Rin?"

She shrugged. "It wasn't anything special."

"Give us a bit more than that, Rin!" Alejo muttered, letting out a groan of exasperation. “You made such a big deal about it so give me something. Hell, just tell me what you had for lunch!”

This time it was Sunhee's turn to roll her eyes at her husband’s behavior.

Rin turned thirteen a few months later that year. It was a small affair consisting of her parents, Jae, and two or three friends from school. Truth be told, they were the only people Rin could stand to spend time around outside of school.

She never was someone who was very sociable. Rin preferred to spend time with her family over anyone else. They were the only people she could tolerate to be around twenty four-seven.

The most memorable gift came from Jae. He handed her a drawing that said 'happy birthday' in big block letters colored pink and blue. Under the words was the two of them sitting together on the swings outside their house. Jae drew the moon just above them with their feet almost touching it. 

"Thanks kiddo," Rin croaked out, determined not to start crying until once she was in the privacy of her own room. "What made you draw this?"

Jae grinned up at her. "You always look happy when we swing together. Did it work?"

"Yeah, it did. Too well, actually."

He blinked, looking confused by her response, but Jae quickly brushed it off. "So when can we have cake?"

"Now you pig," Rin said as she rolled her eyes.

The response from Jae was to stick his tongue out at her. Rin chased him downstairs until they got to the living room where cake was starting to be served. She got the piece with the flower, of course. It was tradition for the birthday individual to get that particular piece.

For Jae's ninth birthday that year, he had a pilot theme. Rin doubted he'd ever grow out of his obsession by this point. One thing could be said about the kid-- he did have a lot of drive.

A few years passed and Jae remained steadfast in his goal to become a pilot for the Alliance. At sixteen, Rin had moved far away from the idea of working in the Alliance, let alone a pilot. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do now with the rest of her life.

One Friday night, Rin found herself sitting on the hill adjacent to their home at nearly nine o'clock at night. The sky was particularly clear, stars shining brightly. Among the stars were the two moons of Mindoir, full and shining as brightly as the stars. It wasn't supposed to rain until later that night, which made this the perfect night.

According to her father, some type of shooting star event was supposed to take place around 9:45 that night. Rin had nothing else to do that night so why not so not spend a night stargazing with her parents and Jae? In Rin's mind, there was no better way to spend an evening when you had nothing else to do.

She heard Jae coming before he even announced his presence. The boy couldn't sneak up on someone if his life depended on it. Thank god he didn't want to sign up with Special Ops. Spy missions would never be in his future.

When Jae made it up the hill, he sat himself beside his sister and gently nudged her not only once, but twice. "Rin, did you see anything yet?! I hope I didn't miss it. Dad and mom were taking so long to get ready and I was getting sick and tired of waiting!"

Rin cracked open one eye and looked impassively at her brother. "I told you to leave with me. You know mom and dad always take their sweet time."

"That doesn't answer my question!" Jae snapped, giving Rin a very impressive death glare. He clearly learned that from her. It made he feel proud.

"Oh calm down, kiddo. You didn't miss it. I'd tell you if you had so sit your ass down and don't worry about it."

The glare instantly faded off his face. He grinned, smile as bright as the stars in the sky. "Good!"

Rin closed her eyes as Jae relayed the information to their parents with a shout. At least he moved a distance away from her when he shouted. 

When she opened her eyes again, their parents were making themselves comfortable on the grass covered hill. Rin shifted into a sitting position, head still tilted up towards the sky.

"Took you guys long enough," Rin commented dryly, finding it difficult not to burst out laughing right now.

Sunhee sighed loudly, gaze shifting towards Alejo. "You can blame your dad for that kids."

"Hey I'm not the only one coupable here!" Alejo muttered in his own defense. "I agree that eighty percent of it was my fault, but the other twenty was all you, my love."

Rin shuddered at the pet name. It didn't matter how mature she tried to make herself out to be. Hearing your parents be all lovey dovey with each other was never pleasant. If only she had her datapad with her to distract from the all the gushing they were doing.

She giggled. "Not in front of the kids, Alejo. Can't you see we're scaring our poor daughter for the rest of her life?"

"The nerve of us!" He was soon joining in on his wife's laughter, causing Jae to let out a snort of amusement.

Rin huffed, eyes narrowing in annoyance. "Each and every one of you suck. I want you all to remember that."

She wanted to join in the laughter. Rin could feel the amusement building, just waiting to be let out. However, she wanted to commit to the teenage angst thing for as long as she could. It was the principal of the matter. Wasn’t it a rule that teenagers had to showcase some amount of angst during the ages of thirteen to eighteen?

The family settled into silence as they waited for the shooting star to appear. Rin had made herself comfortable on the blanket her parents brought with them. Her brother was sitting up, staring wide eyed up at the sky. Due to all the excitement, he seemed unable to lay down or even stay seated because every couple minutes, Jae stood up.

"Jae try and be patient," Alejo told him, eventually reaching for Rin's brother and pulling him into a tight hug in an attempt to get the kid to stay still. "If you keep up all that pacing you'll wear a hole in the ground. This isn’t part of our land so I’d like to keep it mostly in tact"

Rin glanced at Sunhee and the two shared an amused look. Her father could try all he wanted, but Jae was one kid who couldn't be stopped no matter how hard you tried. The kid was like one of those Energizer Bunnies that used to be featured in those battery commercials back on Earth. She didn't remember them, but Rin's parents had mentioned them a few times because of how hyper Jae could be. 

"But I want to see it now!" Jae grumbled, eyes still focused completely on the sky. It looked like Jae was afraid to even blink. "Rin, when is the shooting star supposed to come by again? It has to be soon, right?!"

"9:45 sharp kiddo."

It was already 9:30 so there wasn't much more time to go. Rin wasn't as excited as Jae was, but she felt a ping of curiosity. In just a few more years, Rin would be among the stars and gazing down at Mindoir. Whether it was as a pilot or something else entirely. Then Jae was likely to follow along. She doubted his dream of flying in the Alliance would ever waver.

When it hit 9:44 their mother's omnitool began to beep. Rin shifted into a sitting position again, eyes focused in the sky. It would be happening anytime now. The anticipation must've been killing Jae who was literally bouncing up and down in his spot. She didn't blame him. Now that it was seconds away, Rin felt the same amount of excitement he did. Well, almost as much as Jae.

The first one to see it was Jae, of course, because that was how the universe worked. He let out a loud screech, immediately jumping to his feet and pointing frantically in the air. Rin followed his jerky movements and laid eyes on the event they'd been waiting all night to see. It wasn't Rin's first shooting star, but she had to admit it was more impressive than the one she saw with her parents a decade ago.

"If he gets anymore excited he'll hyperventilate," Rin whispered to her mother, who nodded in agreement. "Let me warn you now, mom I will laugh if he passes out from excitement. It's my right as an older sister to laugh at any and all of his foolish antics until I finally leave home. Even then I'll still do it over video calls and tease him about the past."

Sunhee lifted a brow, a slow smile making its way across her face. "I'll allow it, but remember those exact words when you do something embarrassing and he laughs at you for it. I’ll allow him to do it without any reprimands.”

"I never do anything embarrassing," Rin insisted.

Rin ducked her head, trying to avoid the amused gaze of her mother. She managed to avoid embarrassing herself too badly so Rin should be safe. This would continue to happen provided the next few years went smoothly.

By ten, it was all over. Rin found herself dozing despite her best efforts. She was nudged awake by her father who was half carrying and half dragging Jae along the path back to their house. Rin yawned, trudging behind them slowly.

Rin fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow. She intended to sleep late. Well into the next day, actually. It would be the weekend so there was no reason for Rin to wake up early. Besides, Rin was a teenager and it was her right to sleep in on the weekend.

Unlucky for Rin, she was abruptly woken up just a few hours later.

~*~

Rin wasn't sure what woke her up first; the gunshots or the blood curdling screams coming from outside her window. She jumped up out of bed, room lit up by the explosions outside. Eventually, Rin was able to successfully grope her way to the door.

The adrenaline was pumping throughout her entire body. Rin could only think about her family. She wanted to know what was going on, but not until Rin had determined if they were safe or not. They were the only thing that mattered.

Rin's hand brushed against the door knob just as the screams outside intensified to an intolerable level. An unfamiliar language could be heard in between the screams and blasts. It wasn't another human language. She knew it belonged to one of the many species living in the Milky Way, but Rin had no idea which one.

When the window in her bedroom suddenly shattered, Rin yanked open the door. She ran down the hall where her parents and Jae's rooms were located, but a large blast stopped Rin in her tracks, throwing her back the way she came. She cried out, landing hard on her shoulder.

Immediately, a surge of heat and smoke filled the hallway. Rin coughed, managing to lift her head despite the pain coursing through her body. It was a struggle to see down the hall. All she could see were the growing flames and thick, black cloud of smoke.

It was impossible to go down the hall and check on her family. The fire was seeing to that. Rin stayed on the ground and gathered all her energy to crawl to the stairs. She hurried to the bottom level, still desperately looking for any sign of her family. Maybe they had gotten out of the house already. If anyone had, then it was Jae. He might have been loud but the kid was quick on his feet.

Rin heard more of the unfamiliar alien dialect coming from just outside the front of the house. She bolted for the back door, trying to control the sound of her hacking cough. There was still no sight of her parents or Jae and the thought was enough to make Rin start hyperventilating. What if they… no. They couldn't die. Rin refuses to believe that.

The Shepherd family were a hardy bunch. Rin's father often claimed relatives on his side were difficult to kill. Despite the heavy, thick smoke she felt on the verge of laughing at that memory. Her father was ridiculous. Such a man couldn't be stopped by whatever this was. Hell, the same could be said about her mother. She may of not been born into the Shepard family, but Sunhee was an honorary member. Then again, neither had her father. He’d taken his stepfather’s last name.

Rin ran towards the back door as the smoke began to thicken to the point of becoming unbearable. She tripped on her way out, body connecting hard with the ground below. This time Rin managed to land on her other shoulder. The cry of pain was swallowed for fear of being discovered by whoever had attacked Minidor.

When Rin finally lifted her head, she was able to survey the damage being done to her home planet. The smoke made it difficult to see, but Rin could identify several fires happening in the surrounding area. It looked like a goddamn war zone or what Rin assumed a war zone would look like had. She had never been to war. Never experienced something like this and never thought she would, either. Yet, here Rin was laying among this chaos.

She could still hear screaming and forced herself to tune it out the best she could. Staying out here in the open would be a death sentence. If they found her, they wouldn't hesitate to end Rin's life, just like they were doing with everyone else. This was the only thing she knew for sure right now. They were killing indiscriminately. Everyone was fair game… and if it came down to it, Rin would rather be killed than taken as a prisoner. That is, if they were even taking any prisoners. Best not to try and discover this on her own.

Rin moved to a crouching position, eyes darting back and forth. The sound of footsteps forced her to make a snap second decision. She darted forward, deciding to make a beeline for the barn. It was the closest structure currently not on fire so she has few other choices.

The barn was nothing more than a foot away when a new, closer round of gunshots reached her ears. She panicked and dove forward without giving it a second thought. When Rin's body connected with the ground this time, it was a softer impact than the other two times when she fell. This was in part thanks to the muddy ground still wet from the earlier rain.

For awhile, Rin forgot to even breath. She took quick, shallow breaths; afraid to make even the slightest movement or noise in fear of being discovered. The minutes ticked by but felt more like hours. Rin expected to be found. How could she not be? Her escape from the house hadn't exactly been subtle. Surely they'd see her lying in the mud or one of their devices would pick up Rin's heat signature among all the mess.

Slowly the screams began to cease. Rin felt more panicked at the silence. The silence meant devastating consequences she couldn't handle, let alone process at the moment. It spurred Rin's decision to continue to stay where she was and not move a muscle. Her breaths continued to come out in short, quick spurts. A deep breath might alert them so Rin became afraid to even properly breathe. Moving was also out of the question. The slightest twitch might alert the invaders to her position.

Rin dug her fingers into the mud anytime she heard a noise. It didn't have to be footsteps, shouts, or shots fired to cause the panic to flare up. She wanted to get up and look for her family, but fear is a powerful emotion. The want and need to make sure her family was safe couldn't overpower the fear running through her entire body. Chances were Rin's parents would want her to stay exactly where she was and continue to fight to survive this.

Time meant nothing to Rin at the moment. If not for the mud beginning to harden, she might not have known how long she'd been laying there on the ground in the first place. She did gather the courage to lift her head, peering out between the strands of hair stuck to her face and obscuring her vision. It took enough courage just to slowly lift her right hand and shove some of the hair from her eyes.

When Rin could finally see, she saw there was not a soul in sight. Rin tried to quell her pounding heart in order to figure out what she should do next. She couldn't lay here forever. What Rin needed to do was find help; somewhere, somehow. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she didn't want to die here.

A distant sound of an engine caught Rin's attention. She looked up at the sky, desperately trying to figure out where it was coming from. Eventually, Rin could see lights in the sky and her stomach dropped. She tensed all over until Rin finally realized it was an Alliance vehicle. This was probably going to be her one and only chance to get out of this. Rin had to get up now.

Rin let out a strangled sob as she struggled to her feet. She slipped a few times, but soon she was able to regain her balance and ran towards the ship. Between the screaming and sobbing, Rin was able to get their attention. She started crying harder in relief because she would be saved.

While they were attempting to land, Rin looked back at her house… or rather, what had been her home for basically her entire life. The roof had collapsed in on itself, leaving little to the imagination. Rin's family couldn't have survived that and if they made it out, she would've ran into at least one of them by now. They had to be dead. There was just no way they lived through that.

The thought was enough to cause Rin's body to sway, blackness lingering on the edges of her vision. Now that Rin knew she was safe, she gladly welcomed unconsciousness. 

In her dreams, she could pretend her entire family hadn't just been slaughtered along with the rest of the planet. It was a much better prospect than the new reality she’d be facing upon waking up.

~*~

For the next few hours, Rin wavered in and out of unconsciousness. The next coherent thing she could actually recall was waking up in a hospital bed. There was movement out of the corner of her eye and when Rin looked, she noticed some medical personnel speaking to a much taller woman in an Alliance uniform. It filled her with dread more than anything.

She should feel safe. In a way Rin did. The Alliance rescued her from certain death, but it seemed to be only Rin. Everyone in the area of Mindoir where Rin lived probably hadn't even made it. Why hadn’t she come across another soul yet?

Rin was noticed by the soldier before she had to struggle to get their attention. She pushed herself up in bed, ignoring the frantic expression on the medical personnel's face. The Shepard's were stubborn and Rin was no different. 

"I need to know. Were there any other survivors?"

The woman flinched, but still managed to square her shoulders and look Rin straight in the eyes. "We found other survivors, but none near the area you were picked up in, Miss. I'm afraid your the only one we were able to rescue."

She expected it. After everything that happened, Rin knew there was no way they survived, but hearing it out loud was a different story entirely. All Rin could do was nod to show she heard her. The rest of her body felt like it was shutting down.

Rin needed to ask how it happened, but she couldn't get the words out. The medical personnel quickly shooed the Alliance officer out of the room. It looked like they scolded the officer for being too blunt with Rin. If she hadn't retreated into herself, Rin would've told the medical personnel that she wanted the truth told to her straight. None of that beating around the bush shit see adults seemed fond of.

Any questions the medical personnel had were answered with nothing more than a jerky head movement or one word response. She felt numb. How could everyone is dead? A day ago they were enjoying a family night together and now Rin was the sole surviving member of the Shepard family. If anyone should've survived it was Jae. He was only twelve. The kid was supposed to have a long life ahead of him. It shouldn't have been snuffed out at such a young age 

The person treating Rin rattled off a list of her injuries, which Rin barely heard. She nodded again and again, but they could've said anything and gotten the same answer. It was Rin's automatic response. Her body and mind continued to remain in a state of shock over the news of her family's death.

Rin finally responded when she was instructed to lay down. She shot them a glare, but begrudgingly obeyed the request they gave her. As if laying down was going to help her at all. The last thing she wanted to do was sleep or rest. It wouldn't bring her family back.

It had been awhile since Rin woke up on the ship, but she still had yet to shed one tear over the news. Something had to be wrong with her if she couldn't even cry. For fucks sake, her entire family was dead and Rin was completely alone in the world now. She should be in hysterics. Something was broken inside her. Rin wondered if it was even fixable.

"I'm fucking defective," Rin mumbled softly into the pillow. She felt on the verge of tears, but not much else. The tears just wouldn't come no matter how hard she tried. If Rin's parents could see her now they'd say it was okay that she couldn't cry yet. However, she didn't feel like it was okay. It felt fucked up that she couldn't make herself cry no matter how hard she tried.

After a few more failed attempts to cry, Rin tried to sleep because there wasn't much else she could do anyway. She woke up a few hours later, feeling worse than before. Unsurprisingly, resting hadn't helped at all. The damned medical personnel had been completely wrong about her resting.

At that moment, Rin decided she needed answers. She kicked off the covers and climbed out of the bed. Her body began to wobble once she tried to put weight on her legs, but she quickly regained control and walked towards the door. It took longer than she would've liked. Rin guessed she was weaker than she thought she was.

Rin made it a few feet down the hall before she spotted the Alliance officer she had spoken to earlier. She cleared her throat to get the woman's attention. If anyone was going to give Rin answers then it was going to be this woman.

The officer's eyes widened to an almost comical amount. If it weren't for the situation, she might of even laughed. "Miss, I don't think you should be out of bed quite yet. We still have to get you properly checked out when we get back to base. You should be resting until then in case of any serious internal injuries."

"I'll go without complaint if you answer a couple of my questions," Rin said firmly, aware it wouldn't take much to get the officer to give her what she wanted. That Shepard family stubbornness was making another appearance. Alejo would be proud.

She looked like she was torn over what to do, but then she gave a short, jerky nod. Rin let out a breath she didn't know she was even holding. Finally, someone was going to tell her what the hell was going on. It was about damn time Rin got some answers to all the questions floating around her head.

Rin steadied herself against the wall and took a deep breath. "I really only want to know one thing. Who the fuck did this?"

The first answer Rin was given is that it was classified. A little more prying and a flash of anger got her the answer she was looking for. It was an attack by a group Batarians, which explained the unknown language Rin heard during the attack. She choked out 'why', but the Alliance officer seemed unable and unwilling to tell her anymore. Ironically, knowing the why hadn't made her feel any better. Rin now felt worse than she had before.

Rin screamed after she made it back to the room. She balled up her first, punching the wall until her knuckles were bloody and aching. The pain was a deterrent from all the negative emotions lingering inside. At least, she was finally able to cry.

In school and through her own research as she grew older, Rin learned of the Batarians and the issues between them and humans. She felt even more rage growing because the entire thing was so senseless. The people of Mindoir ended up being caught up in a bunch of political bullshit and ultimately paid the price. It was the final piece of the puzzle to push Rin to the edge and cause her to snap. Rin collapsed in a heap on the floor, sobs escaping in-between her screams.

The medical personnel eventually ran in and was forced to sedate her in order to get Rin to calm down. Rin woke up hours later, feeling groggy and sick to her stomach. She wished she died back on Mindoir. Why did she have to survive while the rest of her family was killed in the most gruesome manner? It wasn't fucking fair. Fairness would be her dying alongside the rest of the Shepard family.

She said little else during their trip to the Citadel. Rin knew she'd have to give her official account of what happened to the Alliance, but all she wanted was to be left alone to grieve. When they finally arrived, Rin had little reaction other than a shrug.

“It's the shock,” the medical personnel whispered to someone beside them. Rin glanced over her shoulder, giving the two a dirty look because of course it was the shock. What else would it be? She wished they wouldn’t talk about her as if she wasn’t there. Sure, in their eyes she may still be a kid, but Rin felt as far as you could get from sixteen. If anything, Rin felt much older and worn out. This whole thing probably took ten years off her life.

‘It's probably the shock,’ Rin thought with a roll of her eyes. Just for good measure she shot the medical personnel another glare. It helped ease a little of Rin's pain. There was the urge to flip them off, but she managed to resist that urge.

The next few days on the Citadel were a blur. Rin had to tell her story to Alliance officials more times than she cared to count. Eventually she gathered enough pieces of information to learn about what really happened. It was a planned attack by the Batarians; most likely a form of retaliation for the colonization happening Skyllian Verge. Like Rin suspected, Mindoir had been completely innocent and was merely caught up in political and galactic bullshit.

She was never alone for long. There was always somebody to speak to or some question to be answered. Rin wanted it to end and was sick of reliving it again and again. However, Rin had no idea what her life would be like now. Her entire family was dead. Where would Rin even go?

The answer of where Rin would go came exactly two weeks after her arrival at the Citadel. She’d be heading to a foster home on Earth selected specifically by some of the higher ups in the Alliance. Rin balked at the thought, but she had little choice in the matter given she was still only sixteen.

They told Rin the family that offered to take her in consisted of a husband and wife along with their daughter. The girl was supposedly around Rin's age, which meant nothing to her. Rin didn't want a foster sister, let alone a friend. She just wanted to get past these next two years as quickly and painlessly as she could.

In two days, Rin would be getting a shuttle down to Earth. She'd never been before, but had always asked her parents what their home planet was like. Now Rin could care less what it looked like or how her experience would be.

Rin continued to spend her time in some kind of daze or state of shock. The doctors working with Rin were trying to help her cope, but everything was to recent. She needed time, which was something she just didn't have.

~*~

When they first touched down upon Earth, Rin was underwhelmed. She was in a city in the Northeast and it was utterly cold. The cold wind blew right through her bones, causing her to shiver violently. 

Rin hurried inside the home with the social worker assigned to her case following right behind. She sighed, surveying the home as they walked deeper inside. It looked like a nice place on the surface. However, appearances could be deceiving.

The foster family waited at the table for Rin. They introduced themselves as Mattie and Francis Green, both former Alliance officers. It was such an ordinary name for a very ordinary looking family.

"Hello Rin," Mattie greeted, a smile on her face. "It's nice to meet you… despite the circumstances."

Rin nodded, not bothering with a verbal greeting in return. Eventually the social worker left, giving Rin her contact info in case she had to get in touch. She stayed mostly in her room for the first two days. Why bother to socialize and get to know them? They were simply giving her a place to stay until Rin turned eighteen and could be on her own.

Back on Mindoir, Rin had a vague idea of what she wanted to do once she reached that magical age of eighteen. Her brother Jae had the more concrete dream- a dream he would never be able to fulfill. The thought he never would be an Alliance pilot for angered Rin to the point of tears.

On the surface, the family seemed decent. The parents were friendly and so was their daughter, Kathryn. Rin did pick up on a few odd things the longer she was there. Mattie and Francis loved to parade around the fact that they took in one of the few survivors of the Minidor disaster. It encouraged Rin to be on her absolute worst behavior.

She wasn't going to let them parade her around as if she were their pet project or something. If the Brown family seemed embarrassed, then they didn't show it at first. It pushed Rin to up the ante and worsen her already pretty terrible behavior. Perhaps it would be enough to get the family to ship her off somewhere else.

Things came to a head when the Green's hosted a party one evening. Rin was invited, but declined several times. However, their daughter insisted that she should at least make an appearance. Her parents would appreciate it. After that, Rin could retire back to the room and ignore the world like she preferred to do since arriving on Earth.

When Rin walked downstairs, they couldn't wait to introduce her to literally everyone in the room. They walked her around, showing Rin off as she were some kind of prized fucking pony. It was ridiculous.

She kept a scowl on her face the entire time. Rin made sure everyone knew that she didn't want to do this. Knowing the Green's, they'd try to spin it as Rin still struggling to adjust to life without her family. In the end, everything seemed to be working out for the Green's.

After it was all over, Rin went back to the room. She threw herself into her bed and resumed searching the net on her data pad.

A couple weeks later, Rin received a visit from the social worker Ms Brandt. She brought her to a coffee shop so Rin had a neutral place to express her thoughts. While Rin drank her coffee, the woman stared at her with the most exasperated expression on her face.

"Rin, I understand this is a difficult transition for you. It would be for anyone, but you must try," Ms. Brandt practically pleaded. "Would it hurt to make even a tiny effort?"

She scoffed. "Why the fuck should I make an effort? They only wanted to foster me for the positive publicity it gave them. You should hear how often they brag to their friends about taking me in."

Rin watched Ms. Brandt struggle to come up with a response, but the harder she tried the more difficult it seemed to be for her to come up with anything. She swallowed a laugh, unable to help herself. The whole situation was fucking insane. Those people shouldn't be allowed to take care of a dog let alone an entire teenager.

"I'll see what I can do, okay?" Ms. Brandt asked Rin in what seemed to be an attempt to reassure her.

"Yeah, sure."

The woman frowned at her response. She went so far as to reach over and grasp Rin's hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I promise I am going to look into it the second I get back to my office. After all you've been through the last thing I want to do is to keep you in a place where your clearly unhappy."

She accepted what she said with a grain of salt. However Ms. Brandt was surprisingly true to her word. Rin was moved into a new home within a matter of days. The Green's didn't protest, but were clearly displeased with the decision. Ms. Brandt must've contacted someone in the Alliance who pulled some strings. Rin wasn't sure if she was grateful or not.

These days Rin felt numb. She had spoken to someone a few times and continued to do so. Rin wanted to feel something. Anything would be preferable to this constant numb feeling. Everyone kept saying it was going to take time. It was a saying Rin began to loathe.

The next people to take her in were an older couple named Amar and Colin Russo. Two men in their late fifties who, at least, didn't seem to want to take her in for the sake of improving their social status. Rin felt more comfortable there, but that was truly an overstatement. It wasn't home. Mindoir was the only home she would ever truly have.

They gave Rin space, leaving her to her own devices. Rin appreciated it. She eventually left the room she slept in, seeking them out for more than just the evening meals they insisted on having together every night. Even Rin's family never sat down for nightly dinner.

Rin hated the fact that she was growing comfortable there. She tried her best to remain distant and her foster family allowed it. They said the only thing that mattered was her trying to see this place as her home and to be at ease there. Damn them and their attempt to make Rin feel like she had a home among them. It wasn't a logical thing to be angry about, but Rin tried to latch onto anything. Anger was something Rin could handle. It was all the other emotions she had trouble dealing with.

School was a pointless affair, but Rin had no trouble keeping up her grades. She saw no point in failing in every part of her life. Sunhee and Alejo would be pissed with Rin if she let it get that far. They might try to haunt her from the grave or something. Rin wouldn’t put it past either of her parents to do that.

Rin wanted to please them even though they were both gone. Chances were she would always feel that way. Maybe once puberty was over, Rin could overcome some of that angst.

Once a month the couple went out to see a movie. They asked Rin to come along, letting her know straight away that it was her decision if she wanted to join them or not for the movie. Rin declined the first two times, but unexpectedly decided to join them when they asked for a third time. The movie was nothing memorable. However, Rin could begrudgingly admit she had a decent enough time being out with them. M

Ten months later, Rin found herself suddenly in need of a new foster family. The older of the two husband's had fallen ill and ended up in the hospital. Rin understood that the Colin needed to take care of his sick husband so she went without much protest on her part. A small part of Rin was going to miss the two. They had treated Rin nice from the beginning and she appreciated that fact about them. 

Ms. Brandt told Rin she'd find her a home within a week or two. True to her word, Rin was placed in a new home in roughly about a week and a half later. She felt even more ambivalent about this one than the first. In seven months Rin would be eighteen. After that, she'd finally be an adult and in control of her own life. She wouldn't have to rely on anyone except herself.

The third home she was put in belonged to a single woman in her mid to late forties. She worked on ships and planes for the Alliance, a job that often kept her out of the house for hours at a time. Rin thought it was perfect because she didn't need a parent. All she really wanted was a place to crash for the next few months. Then Rin could finally access the settlement put aside for her after the Minidor disaster. It would get Rin by until she figured out what the hell to do with the rest of her life.

When the woman Rita was at home, she tried her best to get Rin to open up. She attempted it during one of the rare evenings she happened to be home after Rin got back from school. Rin immediately balked at the attempt and shut her down right away. She apologized instantly, telling Rin that she wasn't trying to pry.

"It's fine," Rin assured her, her guard now up. Sharing might be caring, but after months and months of therapy, Rin was so over that shit.

Rita smiled weakly and averted her gaze towards the carpet. "Let's talk about something more hopeful… like your turning eighteen soon! Any idea what you want to do?"

"Like hell if I know,” she said truthfully.

The more Rin thought about it, the more anxious she felt. Rin's life felt completely aimless and she had no idea how to remedy that. It seemed like Rita wanted to attempt to give her advice again, but after the first disastrous attempt, she kept quiet. Rin wanted to thank her for just allowing them to fall into silence, but decided against saying it in the end.

During her final year of high school, Rin doubled down and worked harder than she had in what felt like her entire life. Rin did so well that she was able to graduate a few months earlier than planned. It filled her with a temporary feeling of happiness that was replaced by the all familiar numb feeling Rin became accustomed too. Her parents definitely would've been proud of her for accomplishing that.

Rita insisted on taking her out to celebrate. She decided to humor her and agreed to go out to eat at a nearby restaurant. When they got there, the place was practically deserted which Rin preferred. It meant less of a headache to deal with in the long run.

"Have you given any more thought to what you want to do now?" Rita asked casually.

Rin rolled her eyes, not buying the casual tone at all, but for the sake of the celebration she let it slide. "Actually I have."

Her guardian's eyes lit up instantly. "... Care to fill me in on the details, Rin?"

"I'm considering joining the Alliance once I turn eighteen."

If you asked Rin two years ago if she wanted a future in the Alliance, she would've said an immediate no. However, things were different now. Rin had no purpose and needed something to give her that. Maybe joining could give her back some of that.

Jae always wanted to join the Alliance when he grew up. At least this way Rin could keep his memory alive.

“Really?” Rita asked in surprise. “What spurred this decision?”

The look Rin gave her shut the question down. Rita attempted to salvage the moment with mentioning all the desserts they had on the menu. She decided to humour her and picked up the menu. A quick scan of it was all Rin needed.

“Let’s get the chocolate mousse.”

Rita grinned. “Excellent choice. It’s my favourite”

~*~

The day after Rin's eighteenth birthday, she packed a bag of her belongings and took a bus to the nearest Alliance recruitment office. She left a note behind for Rita thanking her for giving her a place to stay for the last few months. A part of her did feel bad for leaving the way she did, but goodbyes in person were too emotionally draining. 

Rin had about an hour to travel so she made herself comfortable and dozed off. When she arrived at her destination, she felt a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, Rin was happy to finally be of age and have some autonomy over her life. However, on the other hand, Rin was also utterly alone in the world.

A pet might be nice. Rin always felt ambivalent about pets before, but it might help ease the loneliness. Space Hamsters were all the rage now. They lived longer than regular hamsters. Double the life expectancy if Rin could remember correctly.

She started to feel some apprehension growing after she walked inside the building. Rin looked around, quickly figuring out where she had to go. Before Rin went to bed last night, she found herself wondering if this was what she wanted to do for her foreseeable future.

"You in line?" A gruff voice asked behind her, nearly causing her to jump where she stood.

It drew Rin out of her thoughts, forcing her to make a snap second decision. "Yeah, I am."

"Well your up next. Think you want to start moving?"

Rin flipped the guy off without so much as turning around. When she got to the front desk, she looked at the man behind the front desk and spoke quickly. "I want to enlist."

And with those words it was done.

In a matter of a week, Rin had started the process and was well on her way to joining the Alliance. She felt comfortable with her spur of the moment decision. Any doubt that lingered before was now long gone.

When Rin first put on the Alliance uniform, she felt like she was looking at someone else. The face was the same, but it didn’t feel like her. Another officer saw the expression on Rin’s face and gave her a smile.

“You’ll get used to it eventually,” they said. “I felt the exact same way after I put on my uniform for the first time.”

Rin gave her a half smile, unsure if she believed the officer or not. She was afraid the reason had to with her deceased brother. What if Rin thought she looked so out of place because she was living out his dream that he’d never be able to fulfill? Those thoughts were ones Rin preferred to push to the back of her mind. Joining the Alliance was supposed to be her new career and Rin couldn’t afford that negativity seeping into her mind.

The officer clapped her on the back, giving her another reassuring smile before leaving the room. Rin sighed, running a hand through her hair. It was cropped short, which was a decision Rin made entirely on her own. Cutting one’s hair was supposed to be a way to start anew. She wasn’t sure if she believed that bullshit, but tried it anyway. What did Rin have to loose at this point?

A few minutes later the officer returned, poking their head into the room and looking directly at Rin. “Hey Shepard, the introduction ceremony is starting! You coming or what?”

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

Rin gave herself one last look over. Once she was satisfied with what she saw, Rin left the room and followed close behind the officer.

No turning back now.


End file.
